So, today I will not be writing about Me and Erma. Today, I will be writing about just Me…or well, a special little angel in my life and Me. If you read my ‘About Me’ page, you already know, I have an angel boy. My first son had a genetic disorder called Trisomy 18 and left us at birth. It was a defining moment in life…a very big growth moment in life. So, today is his 7th birthday. But of course, we don’t get to celebrate with him. We only get to celebrate his life, his very short life. So today is about him…and a little about me, as I do get a little selfish on this day. This is my FB post…I will share with all of you out there listening…

7 years today…

I can hardly believe it. Of course, what mother can believe the years that pass by (and how quickly) when it comes to any of her children? Well, those seven years got me this morning. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because we are that much closer to 10. I guess 10 is always some sort of milestone. But so is 5…and 7 is harder than 5, for some reason.

Maybe it’s because over the last 5 years I’ve watched our family grow…without him. And they are not just babies anymore. They are little people with little personalities of their own. I know every little thing about them…what makes them sad, what makes them happy, what causes a meltdown, how to fix the meltdown, whose cry is whose…whose laugh is whose…who snores, who grinds their teeth, who likes chocolate, who likes vanilla, who likes strawberry, their favorite little snacks…all those little things. And it hits me! I don’t know any of these things about Maddox. Nothing.

Or maybe it’s just harder this year because thanks to the flu bug, I’ve missed a couple days of work and so here I am…facing the world. For the last 7 years I have spent January 25th surrounded by only those who love me most and get it, get me…and protected by the four walls of my home. Pretty easy when you don’t have to put on your game face, I guess. But here I am, for the very first time…facing the real world on January 25th…and it’s different when you have to actually face people who have no clue. Maybe. I don’t know.

Regardless of all this…it has been 7 years…I have 7 roses on my desk…and 5 ready for the cemetery (one from each of us, of course). I have a birthday cake in the car that the kids are excited about and decorations for the cemetery that tick me off every single year, but it’s something I just have to do. It just makes me angry to decorate a grave…

So, happy 7th birthday, my sweet angel boy…
I’m not going to ever get over you. ^j^
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Yes…anyone out there listening…please, if you are a mother or if you just plain have someone special still here on earth with you…notice those little things, and appreciate those little things…even the bad. Because if you talk to any mother out there who lost a child…I can tell you that she would give anything to be “annoyed” by some little bad habit, or “frustrated” by some little bad behavior…because all those little things would mean her child is still here.

And as far as my FB post from this morning…I made it through the day, with only a few tears in the morning. I made it through thanks to awesome family and friends…smiles from my three favorite little people living in my home…and one handsome angel boy smiling down on me, knowing that I remember him…always and forever…not just every year, but every day. Until I get that chance to do this in person, this will have to do…

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, my dear angel boy! Happy 7th birthday to you!”